A complicated Introduction

Hi my name is Shannon. I would like tell you a little about myself as I invite you into my world. Let me hit you with a few bullet points first:

• I'm a wife and mother of 4 and I take my roles serious
• I'm in no way a perfect writer so just expect there to be errors (spelling, punctuation, ect.)
• I've never blogged before and deciding to see how this not only helps myself but anyone who may find they have a similar story
• I enjoy soothing my days with coffee, wine and good quality friendships
• I believe there is a song for everything
• I'm not a risk taker
• I have many passions but rarely follow thru with them
• I have a good size family
• I'm currently nervous to even start sharing this life of mine as it seems to only get more complicated

Well there ya have it, in a nutshell anyways. There is much more to me then a few bullet points but over time with each blog you will learn more about my thoughts and character. I'm hopeful I will grab an audience of people willing to listen and share with me their feelings and thoughts about their own life or even how you feel about mine. 

Now for the reason:

I decided to blog for the first time... TODAY! I didn't want to linger on the edge of "should I?" or "Shouldn't I?" So here I am taking the leap and seeing how far I fall. 

I WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED BY MY BROTHER and he will forever get away with it(legally)!

Wow! I just put that sentence out for everyone on the internet to read and see and... judge? 

Will I be judged for saying that? I don't know. Seems to be the trend these day "judge the sexually molested person"

Am I wrong for doing it this way? I don't know. Some call this dirty laundry and that has no place for the internet

Current feeling after typing that: sick to my stomach

See the thing I'm having the hardest time with is I only recently started having memories about what my brother did to me. I always had a wall up of discomfort around him, but I always thought that was because not only did my brother molest me, his friend did too and I clearly remembered that.

Finding out that my brother had hurt someone else triggered the memories I had suppressed. Which let me tell you has been so frustrating and scary. 

I think some people don't know this can happen. What I remember happened to me and I'm beyond positive with out a single once of doubt that it did. I'm learning everyday about why and how our bodies work to defend our own minds so we can continue moving forward with life. I'm not sure if my mind did the right thing or if my mind let me down. 

• If I would have remembered sooner I could have kept him away from myself and children sooner
• If I would have remembered sooner maybe he could have faced the consequences of stealing me of my innocence 
• If I would have remembered sooner I could have done something... anything 

Then again maybe I'm remembering now because my mind knows I have a purpose. It knows I have a reason to not let this get the best of who I am. 

• My Husband
• My kids
• All the ones who do love and care for me

With all that said, I know I can pull thru all the memories as I process them. I will cry. I will get angry. But I will continue to move forward and lead a life I will claim back and not let something like this take the best of me. 

I asked you never call me a victim. I'm a survivor. 

Just so we are clear if you plan to follow my blogs do know some maybe hard to read. Its not always going to just be about my feelings. I will share my memories. I will share the thoughts in my head. I will share my experience with confronting family. I will share it all. as it comes. I will do some back tracking as the memories surfaced Oct. 2017. Other occasions happened back in 2016 but are still relevant to the how and why I am doing this today.

I hope if you are reading this you stick around for whats to come. Not because I want your sympathy but because It may one day help someone else or you maybe able to help me!